Firey exposed brain and a zipper for a mouth. Chuck is the top of the line in reanimation sciences...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I Am Villainous (Blue)
1.
Blue. I didn’t get it. Blue. They told me that it was a color, and I didn’t get that either. The concept of color was completely lost to me during rehabilitation. Blue, they said, was a primary color along with red and yellow. All other colors were a combination of one or more of these primaries. Then, there were the spectrums of light that allowed me to see the colors, which I managed to remember by memorizing ROY G. BIV.
They showed me a picture of three birds. By process of elimination, I knew which one was the blue one. The others were yellow and red. They showed me a picture of a group of children- roughly 24 of them. They were all wearing raincoats. 23 of the raincoats were not blue. One was. I asked why the child would want to be different. They said that he didn’t. I asked them if the child knew that he was standing out from the crowd. They said that I was a) over thinking the picture and b) missing the point of the exercise. The point, they explained, was blue. From blue, the concept of color would begin to make sense to me again. They went on about it so much that it made me think of the blind. There were operations that allowed the blind to see- or so they told me.
I asked them if blind people ever understood the concept of color. They said yes, eventually. But some, they said, were frightened by sight. Colors were the least of their problems. Faces, light, birds, and the world in general- these things could all be quite frightening to someone that had never seen them. Babies must be afraid, I said. Babies don’t understand fear they said, but I knew that that wasn’t completely true.
One day, they showed me the picture of a bird. Either a raven or a crow- but it was black. I knew black. And from black, it all came back to me.
I understood color again.
2.
They said that if I wanted to, I could keep a journal. This is what I doing now. The doctor said that it would help during my re-education. He promised me that no one but me would ever see it so I could write my true feelings inside. I knew that he was trying to assure me, but if I wrote something they didn’t like they could just wipe my memory and start all over again and I’d never know. I’d have to start writing all over again. They doctor assured me that trust was a major part of re-education, so I’ll just write everything down. If my memory goes away I’ll never know anyway.
The doctor gave me a little yellow book and a piece of charcoal. He says that a pen or pencil would be too dangerous at this point.
3.
Today I asked the doctor how long I’d been here, and he told me I’d been here for 15 years. He said that he was surprised that I hadn’t asked him earlier. He laughed when I said that I hadn’t thought about it. He said that My initial brain wipe had taken only two hours and that my re-education had been going on since then. I didn’t remember any of it because my brain was too full of more important things. He said that a baby doesn’t remember learning to walk but he can remember to walk because it becomes a reflex. He said that I had progressed quickly, quicker than usual, but I wouldn’t remember simple things like learning to walk or talking or colors. But complex concepts like right and wrong would be constant. I think he’s wrong though because I remember learning blue- and I know that I don’t like it.
4.
The doctor told me that I was ready to learn about the tubes. As it turns out, 80% of my time was spent inside of a large metal tube. The doctor took me into the white room to show me the tubes. It is about 10 feet tall and about 4 feet in diameter and in front there is a door that slides open like an elevator door. The tube is supported by two huge metal arms that hang down from the ceiling so that the tube never touches the ground. There are stairs all along the floor so that you can walk inside once it lowers. When you walk inside, the tube is raised up on the arms until its horizontal (I saw this happen to one that wasn’t mine). It raises about 200 feet above the floor and then rolls onto giant metal tracks through a big hole in the wall and out of sight. There had to be at least 150 tubes raising and lowering in the white room, and at least 200 more rolling around on the metal tracks overhead.
The doctor said that the tube that was lowering in front of us was mine. It had the numbers 7734 etched above the door. The doctor said that I was at a point where I didn’t have to spend so much time inside. Instead of the 20 hours a day I’d been inside for the last 13 years, I’d only be spending 2 hours a day inside, and I’d be getting a regular cell.
While one of the tubes was lowering on the arms, something must have gone wrong. Sirens began to sound and lights flashed. It all happened very quickly. A smaller arm came down and attached itself to the tube and then there were screams of pain and agony from inside. I remembered that I’d heard screams like that before. Black smoke began to pour from the vest at the top of the tube then, just as fast, the smoke was all sucked away through vents in the ceiling of the white room. The smell- that of burned man- lingered. It immediately registered that I’d smelled this before- Many times.
The men in white rushed over to the tube and stated taking reading from the small screens at its base. The doctor asked how witnessing this made me feel. I told him that I felt like I’d just seen someone burned to death. He nodded and smiled, which I found odd, and told me that it had been an escape attempt.
The door to my tube opened and I stepped inside.
5.
The doctor sat me down at a table, and on the table was a mask. He asked if I remembered it. I said no. was it mine, I asked. He said that it was. It was black, like a hood, and there was a skull on front. I wore that, I asked. Yeas, he said. I wore it and did terrible things. He asked if I remember the things. I said no. I asked him if he wanted me to remember. He said yes. If the things I’d done were so bad, then why would he want me to remember them? He said that it was part of my rehabilitation. Making me forget things was never the goal. Making me realize that the things I’d done were bad was part of my punishment. Making me feel guilty about doing these things was part of my punishment. Making me never WANT to do them again was the goal of my rehabilitation. He left me alone with the mask and told me to think about it.
6.
I got my cell today. It’s no different from the cells upstate where I had a bed a sink and a commode. There is a little shelf where I keep my journal. It looks lonely, though. I have to find more things to keep on my shelf.I get 30 minutes in the yard a day. It’s a 40x40 grass covered spot surrounded by wall that must be at least 100 feet tall. There are guards at the top. You can’t see them, but sometimes they peak over the top or you can catch a glimpse of their rifle barrels. I’m sure they’re there because some of the guys in here can fly. I know this has to be true because as I was walking around the yard and enjoying the bit of nature that I was allowed I suddenly became very aware that I could clear those walls quite easily if I wanted to.
Blue. I didn’t get it. Blue. They told me that it was a color, and I didn’t get that either. The concept of color was completely lost to me during rehabilitation. Blue, they said, was a primary color along with red and yellow. All other colors were a combination of one or more of these primaries. Then, there were the spectrums of light that allowed me to see the colors, which I managed to remember by memorizing ROY G. BIV.
They showed me a picture of three birds. By process of elimination, I knew which one was the blue one. The others were yellow and red. They showed me a picture of a group of children- roughly 24 of them. They were all wearing raincoats. 23 of the raincoats were not blue. One was. I asked why the child would want to be different. They said that he didn’t. I asked them if the child knew that he was standing out from the crowd. They said that I was a) over thinking the picture and b) missing the point of the exercise. The point, they explained, was blue. From blue, the concept of color would begin to make sense to me again. They went on about it so much that it made me think of the blind. There were operations that allowed the blind to see- or so they told me.
I asked them if blind people ever understood the concept of color. They said yes, eventually. But some, they said, were frightened by sight. Colors were the least of their problems. Faces, light, birds, and the world in general- these things could all be quite frightening to someone that had never seen them. Babies must be afraid, I said. Babies don’t understand fear they said, but I knew that that wasn’t completely true.
One day, they showed me the picture of a bird. Either a raven or a crow- but it was black. I knew black. And from black, it all came back to me.
I understood color again.
2.
They said that if I wanted to, I could keep a journal. This is what I doing now. The doctor said that it would help during my re-education. He promised me that no one but me would ever see it so I could write my true feelings inside. I knew that he was trying to assure me, but if I wrote something they didn’t like they could just wipe my memory and start all over again and I’d never know. I’d have to start writing all over again. They doctor assured me that trust was a major part of re-education, so I’ll just write everything down. If my memory goes away I’ll never know anyway.
The doctor gave me a little yellow book and a piece of charcoal. He says that a pen or pencil would be too dangerous at this point.
3.
Today I asked the doctor how long I’d been here, and he told me I’d been here for 15 years. He said that he was surprised that I hadn’t asked him earlier. He laughed when I said that I hadn’t thought about it. He said that My initial brain wipe had taken only two hours and that my re-education had been going on since then. I didn’t remember any of it because my brain was too full of more important things. He said that a baby doesn’t remember learning to walk but he can remember to walk because it becomes a reflex. He said that I had progressed quickly, quicker than usual, but I wouldn’t remember simple things like learning to walk or talking or colors. But complex concepts like right and wrong would be constant. I think he’s wrong though because I remember learning blue- and I know that I don’t like it.
4.
The doctor told me that I was ready to learn about the tubes. As it turns out, 80% of my time was spent inside of a large metal tube. The doctor took me into the white room to show me the tubes. It is about 10 feet tall and about 4 feet in diameter and in front there is a door that slides open like an elevator door. The tube is supported by two huge metal arms that hang down from the ceiling so that the tube never touches the ground. There are stairs all along the floor so that you can walk inside once it lowers. When you walk inside, the tube is raised up on the arms until its horizontal (I saw this happen to one that wasn’t mine). It raises about 200 feet above the floor and then rolls onto giant metal tracks through a big hole in the wall and out of sight. There had to be at least 150 tubes raising and lowering in the white room, and at least 200 more rolling around on the metal tracks overhead.
The doctor said that the tube that was lowering in front of us was mine. It had the numbers 7734 etched above the door. The doctor said that I was at a point where I didn’t have to spend so much time inside. Instead of the 20 hours a day I’d been inside for the last 13 years, I’d only be spending 2 hours a day inside, and I’d be getting a regular cell.
While one of the tubes was lowering on the arms, something must have gone wrong. Sirens began to sound and lights flashed. It all happened very quickly. A smaller arm came down and attached itself to the tube and then there were screams of pain and agony from inside. I remembered that I’d heard screams like that before. Black smoke began to pour from the vest at the top of the tube then, just as fast, the smoke was all sucked away through vents in the ceiling of the white room. The smell- that of burned man- lingered. It immediately registered that I’d smelled this before- Many times.
The men in white rushed over to the tube and stated taking reading from the small screens at its base. The doctor asked how witnessing this made me feel. I told him that I felt like I’d just seen someone burned to death. He nodded and smiled, which I found odd, and told me that it had been an escape attempt.
The door to my tube opened and I stepped inside.
5.
The doctor sat me down at a table, and on the table was a mask. He asked if I remembered it. I said no. was it mine, I asked. He said that it was. It was black, like a hood, and there was a skull on front. I wore that, I asked. Yeas, he said. I wore it and did terrible things. He asked if I remember the things. I said no. I asked him if he wanted me to remember. He said yes. If the things I’d done were so bad, then why would he want me to remember them? He said that it was part of my rehabilitation. Making me forget things was never the goal. Making me realize that the things I’d done were bad was part of my punishment. Making me feel guilty about doing these things was part of my punishment. Making me never WANT to do them again was the goal of my rehabilitation. He left me alone with the mask and told me to think about it.
6.
I got my cell today. It’s no different from the cells upstate where I had a bed a sink and a commode. There is a little shelf where I keep my journal. It looks lonely, though. I have to find more things to keep on my shelf.I get 30 minutes in the yard a day. It’s a 40x40 grass covered spot surrounded by wall that must be at least 100 feet tall. There are guards at the top. You can’t see them, but sometimes they peak over the top or you can catch a glimpse of their rifle barrels. I’m sure they’re there because some of the guys in here can fly. I know this has to be true because as I was walking around the yard and enjoying the bit of nature that I was allowed I suddenly became very aware that I could clear those walls quite easily if I wanted to.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Creep a day #16 "Bobsaur"
Bobsaur!
The body of a terrifying dinosaur...
... the face of a balding middle-aged man with no lower jawbone-
Can you withsatnd the terror!?!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
True Companion
1.
Just as she was leaving the apartment, I took my chance and kissed her. She seemed surprised, but not disgusted. I was really happy that she wasn’t disgusted. She was flustered though, and her only response was “Oh…” I never saw her again after that. She mailed me and said that I was too reliable to be around. This made no sense to me, but I was used to this sort of nonsense. I saved the letter, though. I thought that I could use it later.
2.
The news was calling it one of the greatest disasters in civilized history. All of Houston, Texas had been burned and quarantined. At first they tried to put some sort of spin on it and play down the severity, but eventually the truth came out. There was some horrible accident and the only way to contain it was to burn every living thing. It sounded like science fiction, but it had really happened- a modern American city had been razed to contain a virus from space.
3.
I made eggs and watched an old episode of the Sopranos. I heard a siren outside and it shook me up, but it was just a tornado test siren. On the Sopranos, Meadow was upset because another boyfriend had left her.
4.
After the hijinks of the last girl, I’ve decided to avoid them completely this year. I could do without the headaches. In the meantime, I’ve decided to work on my novel. It’s all about a cop and his slow slide into mediocrity. I think that if I put my mind to it, I can knock this thing out this year. I just have to get started.
5.
The news keeps going on about containment. The government and NASA are constantly assuring us that they were able to keep the virus in Houston, but the media won’t let it go. They keep reporting on incidents way outside of Houston, but they never confirm anything.
6.
I’ve lost twenty pounds. I cut out the sodas and the sweets and cut back on the bread, and now I’m twenty pounds lighter. Usually I only eat when I’m stressed anyway but now that I’ve cut back on the women my stress level is really low.
7.
“Remember Houston” is repeated everywhere on the news. Today at noon we are all supposed to take a moment to reflect on the events and remember the millions that died. I try to, but my mind drifts to the fact that I’m broke. That’s what I think about silently at noon- my lack of savings and my growing debt.
8.
I spot the crazy girl at the bookstore. She doesn’t notice me, so I leave before she does. I feel bad about what went down between us. I really liked her. I wish she hadn’t been insane. I want to but magazines, but I don’t want to risk her seeing me and starting up a conversation. That’s the thing about girls- they try to talk to you as if nothing bad ever happened between you. And the entire time, I‘m staring at them with my mouth open and thinking… Hey! You remember that you screwed me over, right? It’s not worth it, though. I don’t really need magazines.
9.
More Sopranos, more day job, more women stress, more debt. It’s a vicious rut. Perhaps I’ve made a mistake.
10.
I called to ask my landlord if he’d take half of the rent until next week. He agreed. I took a cab out to the office and dropped the payment off in the box. There were people across the street holding up signs. They were anti-abortion I think.
I really don’t like being confronted by pictures of dead babies this early in the morning.
11.
The rut continues. I don’t leave the apartment for an entire weekend. I figure that I have to sink so much money into this thing that it doesn’t make any sense to be away from it any longer than I have to.
12.
I get a letter taped to my door threatening eviction. It seems that the landlord changed his mind about waiting 3 days for the rest of the rent. I have to ask my big brother for it, which I hate to do. He has it and he’ll offer it gladly, but every loan from him is proof that I have not done things the right way.
13.
Despite the fact that I have no money, no love life, and no real plan to fix either, I’m happy. People all over the world are still in mourning for those in Houston but the unspoken consensus is better them than us. Perhaps things will change now. I have noticed that people are nicer to each other since the tragedy. I have noticed people making eye contact on the street. For awhile my attitude was that the tragedy was bad, but it didn’t change the fact that I was broke. Now I feel that being in the hole is still better than being burned to death because of a space virus infection. It’s all about perspective, I guess.
14.
All of the channels were reporting it. The True Companion had crashed to Earth somewhere in the Australian outback. NASA wouldn’t confirm or deny that the ship was the source of the Houston outbreak, but the news seemed to believe that it was. No news crews were allowed access to the area, but they were reporting major military involvement. The news also said that a source had reported that the ship had crashed into a middle school.
15.
When I got home from work today, my electricity was out. There was a note on the door where they had come by for payment. Who is at home at two in the afternoon? Now, I have to pay with a credit card if I want the power to return tonight. I decide to just wait in the dark for the world to end.
Just as she was leaving the apartment, I took my chance and kissed her. She seemed surprised, but not disgusted. I was really happy that she wasn’t disgusted. She was flustered though, and her only response was “Oh…” I never saw her again after that. She mailed me and said that I was too reliable to be around. This made no sense to me, but I was used to this sort of nonsense. I saved the letter, though. I thought that I could use it later.
2.
The news was calling it one of the greatest disasters in civilized history. All of Houston, Texas had been burned and quarantined. At first they tried to put some sort of spin on it and play down the severity, but eventually the truth came out. There was some horrible accident and the only way to contain it was to burn every living thing. It sounded like science fiction, but it had really happened- a modern American city had been razed to contain a virus from space.
3.
I made eggs and watched an old episode of the Sopranos. I heard a siren outside and it shook me up, but it was just a tornado test siren. On the Sopranos, Meadow was upset because another boyfriend had left her.
4.
After the hijinks of the last girl, I’ve decided to avoid them completely this year. I could do without the headaches. In the meantime, I’ve decided to work on my novel. It’s all about a cop and his slow slide into mediocrity. I think that if I put my mind to it, I can knock this thing out this year. I just have to get started.
5.
The news keeps going on about containment. The government and NASA are constantly assuring us that they were able to keep the virus in Houston, but the media won’t let it go. They keep reporting on incidents way outside of Houston, but they never confirm anything.
6.
I’ve lost twenty pounds. I cut out the sodas and the sweets and cut back on the bread, and now I’m twenty pounds lighter. Usually I only eat when I’m stressed anyway but now that I’ve cut back on the women my stress level is really low.
7.
“Remember Houston” is repeated everywhere on the news. Today at noon we are all supposed to take a moment to reflect on the events and remember the millions that died. I try to, but my mind drifts to the fact that I’m broke. That’s what I think about silently at noon- my lack of savings and my growing debt.
8.
I spot the crazy girl at the bookstore. She doesn’t notice me, so I leave before she does. I feel bad about what went down between us. I really liked her. I wish she hadn’t been insane. I want to but magazines, but I don’t want to risk her seeing me and starting up a conversation. That’s the thing about girls- they try to talk to you as if nothing bad ever happened between you. And the entire time, I‘m staring at them with my mouth open and thinking… Hey! You remember that you screwed me over, right? It’s not worth it, though. I don’t really need magazines.
9.
More Sopranos, more day job, more women stress, more debt. It’s a vicious rut. Perhaps I’ve made a mistake.
10.
I called to ask my landlord if he’d take half of the rent until next week. He agreed. I took a cab out to the office and dropped the payment off in the box. There were people across the street holding up signs. They were anti-abortion I think.
I really don’t like being confronted by pictures of dead babies this early in the morning.
11.
The rut continues. I don’t leave the apartment for an entire weekend. I figure that I have to sink so much money into this thing that it doesn’t make any sense to be away from it any longer than I have to.
12.
I get a letter taped to my door threatening eviction. It seems that the landlord changed his mind about waiting 3 days for the rest of the rent. I have to ask my big brother for it, which I hate to do. He has it and he’ll offer it gladly, but every loan from him is proof that I have not done things the right way.
13.
Despite the fact that I have no money, no love life, and no real plan to fix either, I’m happy. People all over the world are still in mourning for those in Houston but the unspoken consensus is better them than us. Perhaps things will change now. I have noticed that people are nicer to each other since the tragedy. I have noticed people making eye contact on the street. For awhile my attitude was that the tragedy was bad, but it didn’t change the fact that I was broke. Now I feel that being in the hole is still better than being burned to death because of a space virus infection. It’s all about perspective, I guess.
14.
All of the channels were reporting it. The True Companion had crashed to Earth somewhere in the Australian outback. NASA wouldn’t confirm or deny that the ship was the source of the Houston outbreak, but the news seemed to believe that it was. No news crews were allowed access to the area, but they were reporting major military involvement. The news also said that a source had reported that the ship had crashed into a middle school.
15.
When I got home from work today, my electricity was out. There was a note on the door where they had come by for payment. Who is at home at two in the afternoon? Now, I have to pay with a credit card if I want the power to return tonight. I decide to just wait in the dark for the world to end.
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