Saturday, February 7, 2009

Creep a day #6 "F13"

Friday, February 6, 2009

Creep a day #5 "Rabbi Stabby Shark"

If he stops swimming, it's a sin...and he'll stab you!

Don't mess with Texas

Daddy hadn’t been home in over a week. Mama said that there was something important going on at work and that he had to stay. Whenever there was something important, Daddy had to stay. Spring break was going to be over in two days, though, so I wished every night that he’d come home.
Jody has been going with this boy named Sharpie from around the Quick Stop. She likes him because he has a van and because he play his music so loud from his speakers that he says are from Germany, but I think he’s boring. He always starts telling stories about how high he was one time, but the stories are always about him laughing at a commercial or a song that wouldn’t be funny if he wasn’t high. He took us to Astro World last Sunday, so that’s pretty good.
Me and Jody and Puff were sitting on the front porch cooling off when Daddy pulled up. We all ran out to see him at the car and he gave all of us a kiss. He picked Puff up and put her on his shoulders. Mama came out and said that it was about time he came home. He said he was sorry but there was some real important stuff going on at the Space Center. He could get cleaned up and get a good nights rest, but he had to go back on Monday. He told us that mama wasn’t going to like that. I told him he was right!
Puff eats out of Ashtrays! It’s so gross but mama says I did it too. I don’t remember doing it. Mama says that most people don’t remember the stuff they did as babies. Puff won’t remember eating from ashtrays and I don’t remember whistling. Mama says I used to whistle really loud when I was little. It’s crazy because now I can’t whistle at all! Daddy said it’s for real- I used to whistle like a bird.
One time, when I was little, Jody and I went to the woods behind our neighborhood to try and float some sailboats we built in the storm drain. There was no water back there. Jody said that when the storm drains were dry, hobos and monsters lived inside. She said that the drains went on forever underground.
Mama brought us outside and told us to look around for smoke. Jody saw it first. It was like a black tower rising from the ground. I looked like it was miles away! I asked Mama what it was and she said that the news will say it was a warehouse fire- but Daddy told her on the phone it was something else. She wouldn’t tell us what he said, though.
We used to have a dog that came around. It was brown. Daddy said it was a mutt, but I thought it looked like Lady from Lady and the Tramp. I wanted to keep it, but Daddy said I couldn’t. One day Jody through rocks at it and it ran away. I hated Jody for chasing that dog away. I told her I hated her.
First Mama was on the phone with Daddy. She kept saying that something didn’t make sense and asking what she should do, then Mama ran in and was screaming at us to tell her where Jody was! I told her that she was on a date with Sharpie. She asked me where and I told her that they went to the skating rink. She said she was going to go and get her and that me and Puff needed to stay inside. She told us to go to the basement and to lock ourselves in there until she got back. She was so mad that I started crying but I didn’t want Puff to see it or she’d start crying too. I went in the basement and we locked the door. I put Puff on the cot and we went to sleep.
It was light outside and Mama wasn’t back yet. Puff was getting hungry so I decided that I’d get her some food from the kitchen. I told Puff to stay in the basement and be quiet. I put her in the corner of the basement and put her under a blanket. I told her not to come out. Upstairs, the electricity was out. I could hear police sirens and some alarms. I wanted to look outside, but I was too scared.
I took Puff some cereal and I took some oranges for later.
There was banging on the door. I was scared and Puff started o cry. I heard mama call and I went up to open it. Mama said that I shouldn’t open the door. She said that she couldn’t find Jody and that everything was bad. Everyone was sick. She said she was even sick. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she said that she didn’t know. She started crying and coughing.
There was a boy at school named Tim who I think is a sissy. He won’t play football with the boys at P.E., instead he always hangs around with us at the monkey bars. He jumps rope and sings all the songs, too. I think he’s really poor. He always seems to wear the same white t-shirt, and it’s never really clean. I remember thinking that a white t-shirt was a bad idea if you weren’t going to wash it. Now I’m wondering if Tim is sick like everybody else.
Mama said she was going to tell me some scary stuff. She said that she didn’t know if she was going to live and that men were going from house to house burning the sick people. She told me that if they came into the basement I had to yell at them that we’d been in the basement the whole time. We had to tell them that we didn’t get exposed. She said that she was sorry that she couldn’t give us some more food because she didn’t want us to unlock the door. She said she really wanted to give us a hug. Mama started crying because she didn’t know where Jody was.
When my family moved to Texas, one of the ways my daddy got me onboard was by telling me how bad ass everything was there. He told me that everything was bigger in Texas. He told me that Texas was so awesome that it even had the motto don’t mess with Texas. This was something everyone knew, and a rule that everyone followed. I found out later, though, that Don’t Mess with Texas was part of an antilittering campaign. Don’t drop your used Burger King wrappers around Texas! What a gyp.
Mama was kicking at the door trying to get in she was cursing and screaming. I grabbed Puff and ran to the window. I wanted to push her up and through but she was too heavy. I couldn’t lift her. I figured that I could climb out and pull Puff through. I pushed and pushed on the window and climbed through and tried to pull Puff through. I heard the door break and I heard Mama in the basement. I couldn’t pull puff through because Mama was pulling her back and biting her.
I ran. Everyone was screaming and running and everyone was sick. Some people were on fire.
I ran for the storm drains. I could hide there. They go on forever underground.

Space is the place

I guess you could call Danielle my first girlfriend. It was the third grade, and when I think back on it, I’m ashamed of the entire experience. Our relationship basically boiled down to sexual harassment lite. I grabbed her ass a lot, and she didn’t mind. That was the extent of the relationship. Also, I let her use my jacket once when our class went to see the symphony. Now that I think about it, this was also the trip that she and I broke up. She was a pretty girl, with tight curly hair. She always wore a red bow in it. I remember that much. When we went to see the symphony, she peed herself and it was a real turn off. I didn’t stand up for her when the class started to make fun of her- I had no real sense of chivalry at 8 years old. Though, I can recall not taking my Members only jacket back until we returned to school. Maybe that small act amidst the chaos of 3rd grade ass holery is the small favor that will get me into heaven.
My Single Occupancy Experimental Orbital Shuttle (SOEOS) is called the True Companion. It’s large enough for me and the small garden that I tend to. I don’t have to do much, just record the findings of the space radiation on the radishes I grow. Still, I get to be in space. I love it out here.
I started to cough last week. I said I’d wait a week to see how it went, and it hasn’t gone away. The mucus that it coming up isn’t like the normal stuff I get when I have a cold. It’s a bit, I don’t know- Lumpy? Jagged? The doc back in Houston said that the next time I cough some up I should save it, and send it back with a urine sample and a blood sample by teleport. I have to take a blood sample everyday, but I’ll have to take two when I send the sample to Houston…
I dreamt about Lisa today. She was sexy and Jewish and I quickly let my lust for her mutate into obsession- maybe it was love. They can be so interchangeable. I dreamt about the Chinese buffet we’d met at. She was a solid girl- voluptuous and solid. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the ass for the chest or vice verse. I prefer a nice ass over a large chest, if I’m going to have to pick. A girl with a big chest and no ass isn’t as aesthetically pleasing as the other way around.
Lisa had both, but she also had no use for me. I was just an amusing sideshow clown to her. She got high from the fumes of my longing.
In the dream, we ate soup.
Houston asked for another blood sample today. They said that the last had some impurities that they couldn’t identify. I jokingly asked them if I’d developed some crazy space virus. They assured me that I had not. They assured me to the point that I don’t know if they got that I was joking, and I don’t know if they were telling me the truth.
It’s New Years Eve!
I can’t believe I slept through New Year’s Day. I don’t know what came over me. When I got up this morning, I felt like shit. I had a dry mouth and a crazy headache. Houston said that they’d been trying to get I contact with me for hours.
I was just tired, I guess.
Tameka and I hid on the back stairs of my house. we were as quiet as we could be. Neither of us wanted to be “IT”. She was just above me on the stairs, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of those fat legs of hers. She was wearing orange shorts- I still remember- and she waited there as quietly as she could, trying to catch her breath. Me, I was transfixed by her bare, sweaty, hairless legs. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch them, but I knew it wouldn’t end well if I did. So we waited, quietly, as the other kids ran for cover in the front yard and across the street.
Houston told me to get into a space suit and power down all of the ships air and water recycling modules. They say that after 24 hours, I am to reset the modules but I have to remain in the suit. They say that they’re sending a vaccine up and that I am to use it for two weeks. They don’t want me to teleport any more blood down- I am to test it myself. They tell me not to worry. I don’t. I’m sure it’ll all turn out fine.
It is very easy to get songs stuck in your head up here. What’s even worse is when you get a fragment of a song stuck in your head and can’t recall what song it’s from. It is torture. I listened to ever song on my MP3 player- 3 weeks worth- and I still couldn’t figure out the song. Maybe…possibly… the theme from Terms of Endearment?
I lost a finger today. I lost a finger, and it didn’t bleed. It just rotted off. It’s rattling around somewhere in the bottom of the suit.
Haven’t heard from Houston in days.
The report said that the virus infected the entire lab, then all of Houston, then- it got out. They weren’t able to cure it, only burn the people that contracted it. They were able to stop it before it became airborne. That’s good. They say that I’m patient zero. They’d like to study me, but it would be too dangerous, they say. It seems like I’ll be remembered more for this virus than for the work I’ve done. Fuck.
I didn’t loose my virginity until I was 27. I found myself fumbling around with my 62 year old lab partner after a particularly randy Christmas party in our science department. It just happened. I wanted to brag about it but she was, you know, 62.
Still, for a 62 year old horticulturist, she rocked my junk pretty hard…
More parts rotting off today. I don’t think this is supposed to happen.
I don’t know how, but Lisa is here on the SOEOS. She’s naked, and she keeps trying to kiss me. I tell her that I can’t take the suit off, but she keeps trying anyway.
I’ve wanted this for so long, though. Maybe I’ll take the suit of- just for a little bit. The vaccine didn’t work anyway. Maybe I’ll take the suit off…
I’m think Houston is going to leave me up here.
Lisa had the idea- start teleporting pieces of myself down to Houston! I don’t know what it’ll accomplish, but it seems hilarious to me. A few fingers, my junk, my left eye- priceless. It’s all falling off anyway. What am I going to do with it!?
If they won’t come to me, I’ll go to them- piece by infected piece.
Every night, when Naked Lisa disappears I begin to think that she wasn’t really here. She never moves her mouth when she talks. I’m afraid to ask her about it. If I’m right, she may not come back.
I try to use my mind to steer the shuttle towards earth. It makes complete sense that whatever this is I’ve contracted has given me the psychic ability to use telekinesis. Why wouldn’t it?
I want to crash the mother right into a middle school. I’m going to die up here.
The radishes have really flourished in this environment. The experiment is a success. I try to tell Houston, but no one answers.
There’s nothing but static now.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Creep a day #4 "Itchy McGee"

Itchy McGee!

Again, for Ms. Emma!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Creep a day #3 "Sue Sow"

Hey Sue, how are you?

I like Popsicles!

Okay. How is your Mother?

I like Popsicles.



Thank you, Sue.

Thank you popsicles!

(Thank you Emma!)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Creep a day #2 "Cryothep"

Cryothep, Unfrozen Mummy from the future...

Monday, February 2, 2009

Creep a day #1 "Pickel Pockel!!"

Pickle Pockel suggested by Emma Shurley!
Sorry for the wait!!


so, i didn't have internet for a week!
(man, i need more money...)

this really screwed my Creep-a-day schedule, so I'm starting over from NUMBER 1!!

How is that for dedication?