Friday, April 10, 2009

Creep-a-day #68 "Sasquatch X"

Drawn on the back of my current Lease!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Creep-a-day #66 "Fishead"


“Cowboys and Copters”

Hey! Wasn't I supposed to put some writing on this here blog? my bad!
Here is part one of the Tex adventure of party crashers.
Don't forget to read Uncanny Alfie and Dexter Pepper!


INT. Bank lobby DAY
The guard’s eyes water, then roll back in his head as Smoke pours from a revolver on the opposite side of the room.
The gun belongs to Tex. He is trembling, breathing heavily, and wearing a bandanna mask around his mouth.

The bank floor is covered with the bodies of customers, security guards and dead cowboys. Chip and Tex are the only ones standing.
In the background, a woman screams.

Blood bubbles from Chips mouth and from the back of his head, the exit wound.
His hand is still near his holster as he sways, and finally falls to the ground.
In the background, the woman continues to scream.
Tex turns and points his gun at her.

TEX: Ma’am, please shut up! Shut the hell up…

She does.
Tex begins to back up towards the door when he hears a cough…

VOICE: Tex (coughing). Tex…

Tex looks around to find the source of the voice.

TEX: Tex? Where are you?

A hand rises, and Tex climbs over the fallen bodies to the man.

TEX: God, Tex! You’re shot!

TEX 2: Don’t you think I know that, boy?

TEX: I gotta git you outta here!

TEX 2: Boy, are you touched? I’m dead! Get out of here, take the money and run!

TEX: But, Tex-

TEX 2: go on, git! Or I’ll shoot you myself!

TEX: I ain’t leavin’ a man behind!

Tex puts the bags of money on Tex’s chest and proceeds to pull him outside.

EXT. Bank DAY
Outside, the streets are almost barren except for a few people hiding in doorways and behind cars. Tex is at the edge of the sidewalk with Tex when he hears the sirens.

TEX 2: Boy, git the hell out of here! They’re coming!

TEX: I ain’t leavin’ you!

TEX 2: You high falutin’ pansy! They’re gonna hang your ass from the highest tree in the county!

TEX: But, daddy!

TEX 2: I said git!

Daddy Tex puts a gun to his own head.

Tex watches as his father shoots himself. He flinches and looks away, tears streaming from his eyes, then grabs the money from his fathers’ chest and spins towards the street to find a Ferrari behind him.
He jumps and slides across the hood of the beautiful machine and into the street and begins to look around for something.
He puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles.

TEX: Julia!

A striking black horse charges up the opposite side of the street. She makes a u-turn and stops at Tex.

He jumps onto the Philly, boots her sides and they take off.
As they do, ten or so police cars round the corner in hot pursuit.

Tex rides Julia like a bat out of hell, the cops fast gaining.

Julia drifts as she rounds a sharp corner.
A couple of the cops attempt the same, but slam into each other and into cars in the intersection, exploding.

Tex ducks the flying cop car debris as he continues his escape.

Suddenly, there is a helicopter in pursuit.

COPTER LOUD SPEAKER: This is the police! Stop your horse and surrender now!

Tex does not.
One of the cops in the copter begins to fire on Tex with a machine gun.
Julia dodges the shots as quickly as she can, until Tex pulls hard on her reigns.

They turn and start towards the copter.

The pilot tries to fly so that the gunner can hit Tex.

PILOT: This bastard buckaroo is crazy!

Tex and Julia dodge the fire, and head directly for the oncoming police cars.
Finally, Tex rides under the copter, passing it.

The copter turns and continues after the man and his horse.
The gunman starts to fire again.

Tex rides harder and harder, getting closer and closer to the oncoming cars.

TEX: Hyah!

Julia jumps and runs atop the cops, jumping from car to car!

The gunman continues to shoot, hitting each car as Tex passes over them.

PILOT: You crazy bastard!! Hold your fire!

GUNMAN: Screw that! I’m gonna tag this sonovabitch!

INT. Cop car DAY
Officer frantically make radio announcement.

OFFICER: I repeat, look out for friendly fire!!

Through the windshield, the cop sees the oncoming cowboy and the still firing copter behind him.

The cop screams just before he is perforated by a hale of bullets.

Tex pulls his revolver out, and shoots behind himself without looking.

EXT. Police headquarters DAY

Cops run out onto the tarmac as alarms sound.

LOUD SPEAKER: We have men down! Unnecessary force in the pursuit has been authorized.

INT. Copter DAY
The pilot is hit in the forehead with a bullet.
He slumps forward, and the copter begins to drop and spin.

GUNMAN: What the-!?

He loses control of the gun, and starts to shoot up a row of high-rise buildings.

INT. office building DAY
The workers are all blessed with piercing rounds of machine gun fire.

Tex reaches the end of the police cars just as the copter crashes down into them in a massive explosion.

He looks back to see the fiery propeller spinning towards him

Tex and Julia barrel into the entrance of the subway.
The propeller ricochets off a large truck, off a building, then into the entrance.

Tex rides as hard as he can as the propeller blades hit the walls and stairs of the tunnel and follow him as if it was trying to catch him!

He drives Julia through the crowd, screaming.

TEX: Git down, everybody! Git down!

The commuters just stare in bewilderment as Tex jumps onto the tracks.

Suddenly, the blade flies through the crowd, slicing many, missing few.
It almost catches Tex, but it slams into the side of the train that seems to scream along the tracks from nowhere.

Tex continues to ride away from the speeding train into the darkness of the tunnel…

The train also explodes, for good measure…

INT. Warehouse DAY
Tex runs into the abandoned warehouse carrying the moneybags. He checks the windows and locks the doors.

Tex is still breathing heavily as he takes off his mask and slumps to the floor.

EXT. Warehouse NIGHT
A team of soldiers advances quietly on the warehouse. They are all heavily armed.

Inside the warehouse, Tex is asleep clutching the money when guns are drawn on him and flashlights awaken him.

LT.FUN: Get up, you lousy piece of dirt!

The group beats Tex unmercifully, kicking and punching him as his gun is kicked away.

INT. Courtroom DAY
Tex stands in front of the board of judges’ bench receiving his sentencing.

JUDGE: 29 counts of manslaughter, 4 counts of murder, 268 counts of reckless endangerment.

INT. Prison DAY
Tex sits in his cell, dressed in striped a uniform including his cowboy hat.

VOICE OF JUDGE: 33 consecutive life sentences.

A guard walks up to Tex’s cell and stops.

GUARD: Hey, cowboy! They shot your horse this morning!

TEX: No! Julia…

NEXT TIME: Tex Breaks out.

Tex Breaks Out

Part 1: Tex is a common name among the dead
(Wherein Tex arrives at prison and is given the briefest of rundowns on the status quo)


Here is how it works.
The blacks are split into the gang bangers and the Muslims. The Muslims spend their time trying to atone and make themselves better. Most of the bangers deal H. they only deal with people that deal with the H but they will not hesitate to shank you if they feel even the slightest bit disrespected. I strongly urge you to stay away from them unless you’re just really light skinned and I don’t know about it.
The white power boys deal H as well, but have a slight advantage because they’re less likely to use their own product. They are more likely, though, to catch you slipping and punk you out. So watch your step around them. They’ll tell you what they want to hear, and then use you up in the name of mighty whiteness. They’re knife happy and willing to do whatever they have to do to spread the gospel of the so called master race. You’d think they’d manage to stay out of the pen if they were so smart…
The Ventriloquists are an odd lot. They only respect you if you respect their dummies. it might seem weird at first, but you have to talk to the wooden men before you can even think about getting anything of use around here. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get in good with a ventriloquist, because they are really good at acquiring things in a pinch, and their prices ore usually reasonable. They pretty much control the entire swag network in the yard. I’d recommend you talk to Bookie if you want anything. He’s not the one that will get you what you want but if you get on his good side then his ventriloquist, Dexter Pepper, will take good care of you. Stroke mags, little Debbie cakes, fireworks, whatever a growing boy needs to survive 33 consecutive life sentences.
The clowns are normally a quiet bunch, and they can even be entertaining at times. Mostly, all they do is spend time lifting weights and practicing pratfalls. I’ll warn you not to let their inherent hilarity make you drop your guard. I’ll put it to you this way: I’m 48 years old and until I was in prison, I’d never seen anyone beaten to death. Since I’ve been in prison, I’ve seen it happen 6 times, and every time it was a clown doing the beating. See that guy? In the red nose and black mouth make up? That’s Zep. When he first came through, a few of the Aryans thought they’d have a go at him because he looked skinny and weak. They cornered him in the kitchen and tried to get at him, and he commenced to kick them all to beyond the point of facial reconstructive surgery. They all live in the freak wing now with the fire eaters and the bearded ladyboys.
Stay away from the magicians completely. They’re shifty, crooked, and the whole bunch of them is rats. In here they aren’t really able to use their magic because of the electromagnetic shielding in the walls, but that doesn’t stop them from using slight of hand to get what they want. A magician might tell you he’s your friend- he’s not. He might tell you he’ll help you- he won’t at the end of the day, they’re all out for self. The only good part is that they spend so much time double crossing and screwing each other over that they rarely have time to mess with anyone else. The only time I’ve ever seen them come together was because Johnny Cadabra and Amazing Carlo put word out that anyone who could put a shiv into Uncanny Alfie’s face would be a rich prestidigitator when he got out of here. Somehow, Alfie avoided two weeks worth of attempts on his life before he gave the warden something on the bangers and got shipped to protective custody. Now he’s got the blacks and the Magician’s brotherhood after him.
The mimes, well, everyone pretty much ignores them.
You’re lucky, son. There is a strong Cowboy presence at this prison. We completely run C block, and were in charge of the kitchen.
I knew your pa.
Tex and I used to ride together during the days of the El Paso connection before loco Johnny Jackson testified against the Five Posses and dang near crew everything up. But I rode with Tex, and he was a good man. You seem like a good man to. I can get you a job in the kitchen almost immediately and try to get you integrated around here. You can do your time real easy and peaceful like if you want. If you want to serve uneasily, well I can’t say I blame you. Your pa wouldn’t have taken to living 33 life sentences away from the open plains and his horse too easily- I don’t recon you will either. You want to make you bone in here, you gotta do a murder right away. I’ll give you your chance soon. The Cowboys and the Log Cabin republicans are going to war.
Tex thought about all Tex had told him- about the other men here. He thought about how he could ease into the life quietly if he wanted to. He thought about the Cowboy war with the L.C.R.
Tex didn’t plan on either one of these options. He chose option “C”- break out of prison. They had killed his Pa, tried to lock him up forever and worst of all, killed his horse. He wasn’t going to let him get away with that. Whoever had set the bank robbery up knew that it was a bust. Someone had alerted the cops to the entire thing. It was a set up and Tex was going to make whoever was in on it pay.
The best part was, he’d have help. He knew that the clowns could be violent psychopaths, but he and Zep had worked for Uncle Zeke’s Laughing Academy a few years back, pulling odd jobs at kid’s birthday parties and bar mitzvahs.
He didn’t have to get in good with a Ventriloquist dummy because he already was in. Dexter Pepper and Bookie used to move all the unmovable product Tex stole back before the El Paso Connection.
Tex knew that magicians were a shifty lot, but that’s because he’d worked closely with one of the worst- Uncanny Alfie. Tex had saved his life once, though, so he was owed at least a little loyalty he thought.
Tex even had a friend in the Mime camp.
He didn’t know how yet, but he was going to break out of this place- he and his rag-tag group of party crasher were going to bust out of the joint, and any man that got in there way was going to take one in the head…
…For Julia.

NEXT TIME: I don’t know- something about robots or something…

Tex Breaks Out

Part 2: Fifty-Two
(Wherein things get sticky)

You have to be careful behind bars, because anything can be used as a weapon. This is especially true when you’re talking about this particular prison.
In Henning State Maximum Security Prison, you are always in danger of being seriously injured or killed by the most mundane of objects.
We aren’t talking the typical shiv made from a sharpened spoon or mattress spring. We’re talking things like bottles caps propelled at top speed through the memory center of the brain, or being choked to death by magic beans.
This is why the prison was always surrounded by a heavy duty of electro magnetic field. It detected any magical implements that could be smuggled in, and detected any magicians that might be smuggled out.
If you were going to be using a weapon in Henning state, you had to be very, very creative.
In a place where the definition of contraband includes almost everything, knowing a man like Dexter Pepper was important. Dexter and his little wooden friend Bookie could bet almost anything into the jail. The secret was in knowing what guard to approach, and how long to keep him on the take. At one point, Dexter had almost ever guard at the Penn smuggling in product for him. Now, there was a different problem. The Log Cabin Republicans had stepped in and were trying to oust the Ventriloquist from his place as go to guy. As much as he hated it, he had to make ice with them in order to get a very special product from outside- the one thing that would tip the scales and get their crew out of the Penn.

For the last week, Uncanny Alfie had been holed up in protective custody. The guards had noticed that he’d stopped shaking as much. He’d stopped sweating. He didn’t yell at all hours of the night any more. All he did in his small cell was stare quietly at the wall, and then at his hands.
The guards noticed that his hands were incredibly steady. It was uncanny.
Zep and the other clowns had been pumping iron even more than usual. They were like animals. They worked out any chance they could get, and when they weren’t working out, they were beating the crap out of each other. They were toughening up for something…
Meanwhile, Tex was in a difficult spot because a major war was brewing between the Cowboys and the Log Cabin Republicans. Big Tex had sat down with the LCR leaders: Mitchell “Lil’ Bit” Johnson, Carlton “Aunt Mame” Fontaine, and Blaine “Bareback” Kennedy to try and work things out.
It didn’t seem to go so well.
Tex figured that he’d go to talk them on his own. He had to. If his plan to break out of here was going to work, then there could be no weak links. He had to get out of this place and find out who had set him and his Pa up on that bank job.
He had to know who was behind the death of his horse.
It was a Saturday morning when the truck arrived. Tex had made a deal with the LCR, which he was sure that they would keep, even though he knew they could never really be trusted.
Dexter approached the driver while the guards were preoccupied, and let Bookie do the talking. Soon he had his package.
The next step was to get inside to see Alfie. This would be difficult. They’d managed to get the occasional message to him, because Dexter was in charge of the Book cart that took things to read to the various prisoners in various parts of the prison. But the package that Dexter had today was the most dangerous of contraband, especially in the hands of a magician- especially Alfie.
Dexter placed small package into a copy of the Joy of Cooking and headed for Protective custody.
Meanwhile, Tex made sure that everything was in place. The clowns were pumped and ready. The cowboys were angry about working with the LCR, but they maintained. Dexter was almost in position, and Alfie was in the zone.
The Mimes- well, the mimes knew their job.

Int. Protective custody Day
Dexter and Bookie pushed the cart towards the entrance of the protective cells.
The guard stopped them.

GUARD: Its library time again already?

BOOKIE: Looks that way. How’re the wife and kids?

GUARD: Pretty good, thanks for asking.

The guard stood and unlocked the door, and Dexter pushed the cart toward the last cell, where Alfie sat quietly.

ALFIE: Got anything good?

DEXTER: Yeah. I think you’ll like it.

BOOKIE: Especially page 52…

Dexter handed Alfie the book and turned to leave.

Alfie took a deep breath, gave his hands a last once over, and opened the book.

The guard was sitting at his desk, quietly flipping through the pages of Good Housekeeping when he heard Alfie yelling for him.

GUARD: What is it now!?

He stood, and walked towards Alfies cell.
When he got to the cell, he thought he heard a whisper. He thought he heard a whisper and felt something bite him on the neck.

What he’d heard was the 3 of spades slicing through the air from Alfies cell.

What he’d felt was that same playing card slicing his carotid artery into.

What he saw was his life flashing before his eyes- a life tinted red by the blood that sprayed through the air before him.

ALFIE: I’m sorry, guy. I don’t think it’ll hurt too much. Just go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Alfie had hit the Guard just where he needed to, causing him to fall forward so he could reach the keys.

Alfie let himself from his cell and started for the yard.

By the time the guards realized what was going on, it was too late. Alfie entered the yard, and was surrounded by Clowns- guarding him as he launched hand after hand of razor sharp death at the tower guards.
Some clowns took hits as well as a few guards managed to squeeze off a few shots.
They managed to keep Alfie from being hit, though, and soon they got what they wanted when the final tower guard tumbled from his perch- a gun.
The alarms sounded, but it was almost already too late.
The Cowboys and the LCR stormed the armory and armed themselves.
There wouldn’t have been a problem if the guards had just let them all walk, but a kid with an itchy trigger finger took the shot that killed big Tex.
Someone, probably a clown, yelled “Kill em’ all!”, and things got rough.
The clowns didn’t even have guns; they just charged towards the guards and bit them.
It wasn’t long before the Log Cabin Republicans and the Cowboys turned their guns on each other!
The bangers and the white power boys didn’t have a prayer. Between the rabid clowns and the bukkake of bullets the Cowboys and LCR were laying down, anyone in the crossfire was a goner.
It didn’t take long for the rapid response team to arrive and take action.
There were prison riots and there were prison riots, and there were riots at Henning state. Riots at Henning state were handled in one way and one way only: burn anything and anyone taking part.
The rapid response team swooped in and began to burn anything that moved. Guards, Aryans, Clowns, Republicans- they all burned in the yard.
There was chaos- complete, flaming chaos- Just as Tex had planned it.
Tex, Alfie, Dexter Pepper and Bookie, and Zep slipped out before the riot had gotten out of hand. Under the blanket of burning inmates, they managed to walk away.
And that was it- Tex was finally out.
There were no tearful goodbyes, no celebration. They just went there separate ways.
They all had things to do, scores to settle, rights to wrong and vice verse.
…Even the mimes.

THE END FOR NOW.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Creep-a-day #65 "2pox"

he ain't dead, y'all!

Creep-a-day #64 "Melvin Junior"


Sunday, April 5, 2009

Creep-a-day #63 "Poot Butt"



it's been a long day...