Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tex Breaks Out

Part 1: Tex is a common name among the dead
(Wherein Tex arrives at prison and is given the briefest of rundowns on the status quo)

Here is how it works.
The blacks are split into the gang bangers and the Muslims. The Muslims spend their time trying to atone and make themselves better. Most of the bangers deal H. they only deal with people that deal with the H but they will not hesitate to shank you if they feel even the slightest bit disrespected. I strongly urge you to stay away from them unless you’re just really light skinned and I don’t know about it.
The white power boys deal H as well, but have a slight advantage because they’re less likely to use their own product. They are more likely, though, to catch you slipping and punk you out. So watch your step around them. They’ll tell you what they want to hear, and then use you up in the name of mighty whiteness. They’re knife happy and willing to do whatever they have to do to spread the gospel of the so called master race. You’d think they’d manage to stay out of the pen if they were so smart…
The Ventriloquists are an odd lot. They only respect you if you respect their dummies. it might seem weird at first, but you have to talk to the wooden men before you can even think about getting anything of use around here. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get in good with a ventriloquist, because they are really good at acquiring things in a pinch, and their prices ore usually reasonable. They pretty much control the entire swag network in the yard. I’d recommend you talk to Bookie if you want anything. He’s not the one that will get you what you want but if you get on his good side then his ventriloquist, Dexter Pepper, will take good care of you. Stroke mags, little Debbie cakes, fireworks, whatever a growing boy needs to survive 33 consecutive life sentences.
The clowns are normally a quiet bunch, and they can even be entertaining at times. Mostly, all they do is spend time lifting weights and practicing pratfalls. I’ll warn you not to let their inherent hilarity make you drop your guard. I’ll put it to you this way: I’m 48 years old and until I was in prison, I’d never seen anyone beaten to death. Since I’ve been in prison, I’ve seen it happen 6 times, and every time it was a clown doing the beating. See that guy? In the red nose and black mouth make up? That’s Zep. When he first came through, a few of the Aryans thought they’d have a go at him because he looked skinny and weak. They cornered him in the kitchen and tried to get at him, and he commenced to kick them all to beyond the point of facial reconstructive surgery. They all live in the freak wing now with the fire eaters and the bearded ladyboys.
Stay away from the magicians completely. They’re shifty, crooked, and the whole bunch of them is rats. In here they aren’t really able to use their magic because of the electromagnetic shielding in the walls, but that doesn’t stop them from using slight of hand to get what they want. A magician might tell you he’s your friend- he’s not. He might tell you he’ll help you- he won’t at the end of the day, they’re all out for self. The only good part is that they spend so much time double crossing and screwing each other over that they rarely have time to mess with anyone else. The only time I’ve ever seen them come together was because Johnny Cadabra and Amazing Carlo put word out that anyone who could put a shiv into Uncanny Alfie’s face would be a rich prestidigitator when he got out of here. Somehow, Alfie avoided two weeks worth of attempts on his life before he gave the warden something on the bangers and got shipped to protective custody. Now he’s got the blacks and the Magician’s brotherhood after him.
The mimes, well, everyone pretty much ignores them.
You’re lucky, son. There is a strong Cowboy presence at this prison. We completely run C block, and were in charge of the kitchen.
I knew your pa.
Tex and I used to ride together during the days of the El Paso connection before loco Johnny Jackson testified against the Five Posses and dang near crew everything up. But I rode with Tex, and he was a good man. You seem like a good man to. I can get you a job in the kitchen almost immediately and try to get you integrated around here. You can do your time real easy and peaceful like if you want. If you want to serve uneasily, well I can’t say I blame you. Your pa wouldn’t have taken to living 33 life sentences away from the open plains and his horse too easily- I don’t recon you will either. You want to make you bone in here, you gotta do a murder right away. I’ll give you your chance soon. The Cowboys and the Log Cabin republicans are going to war.
Tex thought about all Tex had told him- about the other men here. He thought about how he could ease into the life quietly if he wanted to. He thought about the Cowboy war with the L.C.R.
Tex didn’t plan on either one of these options. He chose option “C”- break out of prison. They had killed his Pa, tried to lock him up forever and worst of all, killed his horse. He wasn’t going to let him get away with that. Whoever had set the bank robbery up knew that it was a bust. Someone had alerted the cops to the entire thing. It was a set up and Tex was going to make whoever was in on it pay.
The best part was, he’d have help. He knew that the clowns could be violent psychopaths, but he and Zep had worked for Uncle Zeke’s Laughing Academy a few years back, pulling odd jobs at kid’s birthday parties and bar mitzvahs.
He didn’t have to get in good with a Ventriloquist dummy because he already was in. Dexter Pepper and Bookie used to move all the unmovable product Tex stole back before the El Paso Connection.
Tex knew that magicians were a shifty lot, but that’s because he’d worked closely with one of the worst- Uncanny Alfie. Tex had saved his life once, though, so he was owed at least a little loyalty he thought.
Tex even had a friend in the Mime camp.
He didn’t know how yet, but he was going to break out of this place- he and his rag-tag group of party crasher were going to bust out of the joint, and any man that got in there way was going to take one in the head…
…For Julia.

NEXT TIME: I don’t know- something about robots or something…

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